“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
George Bernard Shaw.
Gifford is a friend who is writing a book on Communication and its importance in the processes needed to Manage and Architect Change. I proofed a draft of his book and found it very thoughtful and provocative. Unfortunately, these two terms are often in conflict with each other. They also, I believe, manifest the challenge we all face in our attempts at communication.
Below are a few thoughts from Gifford’s book (Copyright © 2018 by Gifford Thomas) that I believe are relevant to my ramblings on Communication that will follow:
“The culture which existed at the company was not very conducive to change since employee already had significant attachment to their present environment (read – their comfort zone).”
“Any successful change begins with the answer to one of the most fundamental questions about change: Why? It is human nature to want to understand the reasoning behind an action or required change.”
“When you don’t communicate during a change, especially in the early stages of the change, people will start making up their information.”
“You have to endlessly repeat the message until it becomes a deeply seated aspect of your employee’s daily habit. Be constant and consistent with your message.”
As Paul Harvey so often stated, “We are not one world.” He is right.
Growing up in New Iberia, Louisiana my universe encompassed about 2 cities (small town) blocks where my family lived. We were bi-lingual (English / Cajun French), segregated along color lines (black and white), and to a much lesser extent than today, economics. Ours was a simple world. In our individual neighborhoods “we were one world.”
Today “we are not one world.” Ours is a global society, with geographic, cultural, demographic, economic, religious, ethnic, language, politics, etc. We communicate today with fewer spoken words plus social media, texting, non-verbal tools, etc. - divides that we did not experience and could not have imagined or understood in my universe of the 1950s.
There are many definitions of COMMUNICATION. Search till you find one right for you. My two favorites are:
“Communication is the negotiation of meaning.” Jennifer was a friend, business associate and new-minted Ph.D. when I met her in 1995. This was her definition of choice.
“Communication is getting what’s in your heart out through words, song, dance or other socially acceptable means. If you can’t or don’t, it will come out through rage, your fists or some other violence even the barrel of a gun that will hurt or kill others or in a heart attack or stroke that may kill you.” This was Jim’s definition.
He was a well-worn and wise Ph.D. Clinical Speech Pathologist who dealt with folks with serious mental and emotional problems. He received referrals from Psychiatrists and Social Workers on cases they could not solve.
An article by Albert Mehrabian (State Business Magazine – Fall 2002 – Body Language) indicated that “the total impact of messages is about 7% verbal (words only), 38% linguistic (including tone of voice, inflections, and other sounds) and 55% non-verbal…”
In today’s world much (most?) communication is verbal – just words as they appear on my cell phone screen and attributable to you or the person controlling your cellphone. I can’t be sure of the author. Language is, in my opinion, a tool we use to communicate. It can define reality, define a perception of reality, or create reality.
Consider this story – Boudreaux is a baseball umpire. After the game, he goes for a beer with his best friends Arceneaux and Comeaux. Arceneaux starts by saying, “Boudreaux you’re a great umpire because you call them as you see them.” Comeaux responds by stating, “No Boudreaux calls them like they are.” Finally, Boudreaux corrects them both – by stating – “They ain’t nothing till I call them.” Language often creates reality.
In the mid-1980s I was coaching my son’s 4 – 5-year-old soccer team. The two youngest members of the team were Ryan and Jeremy. When you are 4 playing with 5-year-olds you are often more physically limited (read slow and non-focused) than most realize. Both were “good kids” just not as ready as their teammates.
Jeremy had played the entire season and never once kicked ball in the right direction. In the final game – the ball accidentally rolled in front of him while he was running in the right direction. He ran it into the goal for his first ever score. The crowd went wild. The next year – Jeremy performed beyond his age and his God-given talent - because that one score created a new reality.
Ryan’s story did not end as well. Ryan’s dad was at every practice “hovering over Ryan.” One day as Ryan attempted to kick the ball, he flipped over backward. This often happens with 4-year-old players. Ryan’s dad – bent over and got in his son’s face and yelled, “Boy you’ll never be worth a s___.”
I pulled his dad off to the side and said, “And you just guaranteed it A__h___. I believe I was and am right. Ryan’s new reality was negatively defined / criticism driven by his dad. This will hurt him forever.
Billy Graham died this week. His impact was profound. From an Associated Press article, we learn that he spoke in 185 countries. By his final crusade in 2005 in New York City, he had preached in person to more than 210 million people. No telling the number of words he used. No one questions the power of his message and meaning.
To end this story on a “humorous note” – consider the following two statements:
“Honey, when I look at you time stands still.”
“Honey, your face can stop a clock.”
I’ve said the same thing yet the message and meaning are received much differently. How is your message? Does it deliver the meaning intended?
Choose your words wisely!